she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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