Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
