Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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