Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
