1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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