sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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