ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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