So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
