WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
