Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
