Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
