butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
