So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize