They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
