that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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