i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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