We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
