dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I touched a dick in church today
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
