Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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