Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
