New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
