He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
