Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
