bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize