So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize