Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
