There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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