it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
