Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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