Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
