I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
