I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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