this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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