I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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