I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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