I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
