Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
