Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
