Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
