Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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