I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize