Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
