Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
