And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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