Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
