It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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