You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
