my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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