3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize