I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
