WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
