there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
