I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
