i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize