that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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