Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Holy shit dude........stairs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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