When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
