he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
