I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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