sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
