I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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