The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
