Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
