some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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