You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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