I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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