i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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