He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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