You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
third nipple confirmed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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