you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
