is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
