The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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